It has been half a year since I started working, and I just stepped out from a department that everyone so scare and worry about. The 'on call', the calculation, the case reporting and so on..
I would like to talk about this particular month that I just passed, for the future me.
This department is mainly teach us to handle narrow therapeutic range drugs, and how we use all the calculation to make sure our patients are safe and not intoxication.
Long before I entered, everyone warned me about this department. The workload, working hours, stress in view of physically and mentally, and lots more. I knew it won't be easy, but since everyone can get through this department, why wouldn't I? So, I actually keep asking myself to be chill, relax, and just learn as much and as fast as I can.
First week: Since I'm just a junior, and mostly depend on senior, I actually quite relaxing and not stress up. I went out for lunch as usual, and just done my job in time. Everything seems well and normal. I started to doubt others. Maybe she just not that scary as they said.
Second week: Entering 2nd week, I can feel the stress. I need to depend on myself, and with lots of cases everyday, I started to stress up. I can't stand it, and I broke down on the 1st day of my second week. I cried to the top of my lung, I let my tears run through my face, I let myself drown into despair and stress. I just want home, and I need home. Then, I wiped away my tears, and pretended like nothing happened, just went back my home in KT, and rest. For this one whole week, I felt butterflies in stomach. Overwhelming with stress resulting in bloating, vomiting, and LOA. I skipped lunch, and just keep myself busy. I started to count down my days in this department. I feel like dying...
Weekend call (2nd week): The 2nd week weekend call, it's the worst I guess. Got scolded and lectured by my boss. She said I'm not performing. I skipped lunch and working overtime, and yet I still can't settle all the cases on hand. The cases were so much less compare to last time. I'm just incompetent. I felt bad, I felt sorry. I can feel my tears was on the edge of my eyes, almost burst out. I sensed that she was actually heartache and disappointed on us. She was right, I'm not good enough. I should've done better job.
Third week: I'm the only senior on this week, and there are 3 new teammates who going to work with me. Two out of three are my friends. I never realized how the change comes, and where the stress have gone. I suddenly feel so relieved on that day, and I never feel stress again. I started to gain confidence, and I make sure everything is under control. I guess my two friends gave me strength and the sense of secure. Things will never gone wrong with them by my side. I didn't feel stress and fear when I talking or texting my boss, everything is like normal, and I started to discuss stuffs with my boss.
Fourth week: These last two weeks are the most enjoyable time in this department where everyone called it hell. I found it quite interesting and despite the lectures and stress that I felt on the first place, the last two weeks are really great and I learned a lots. On the last day of work, I thanked my boss for this one month, all the guidance and efforts. She thanked me for being helpful, and that she was able to count on me for the past two weeks. I was so happy, and I still am when I heard those words. It's like someone did appreciate your efforts. It's definitely rare for someone who was thought to be a perfectionist to praise other, and I'm glad that she's happy with me.
These are my one month life in therapeutic drug monitoring department. I working non stop, for 6 weekends (luckily had two tuesday off in between) which equally to one month. So I got myself one day off on my last day, and came back to my hometown >> PENANG~!
I was grateful that I had got over my oncall successfully, without those cases that suspected toxicity which required me to be in hospital during my sleeping hours. I'm blessed!
Now, I going to enjoy my 5 days holiday at home, spending time with my family.
The most important element in my life ~ MY FAMILY~!
The most important thing is to enjoy your life,
TO BE HAPPY
it's all that matters.
TO BE HAPPY
it's all that matters.
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