At this moment of mine.

I lost count on how long I didn't finish a book in a very short time, spending my time in reading, care less about my sleeping hours.

I miss what I'd lost. My necklace especially. Really want to know where is it, and get it back. Kind of depressing to lost something so important, that my sister gave to me as a gift, as a symbolize of my adulthood, that made me looked girly. I missed that so so badly.

I cared too much of others' life. I need to really get focus on my own instead. Been living like a walking dead, soulless creature ever since I started my working life. A lots of mistakes I did, I feel so embarrassing for making them. It's bad, real bad. I lost focus, I can't concentrate, and I'm not me. Everyone is getting better, and knowledgeable except me. I'm still wandering in the same pace, in the same spot, not making any advance movement, not progressing.

I have to do something, I know I have to. Yet, I have to put that into action instead of just an idea, or a dream. I need courageous, I have to conquer my own fear, and my weaknesses. My laziness, my idea of procrastination and so on..

Damn, I hate myself at this moment. Like I'm just an empty shell, seeking for attention and approval from society, just to look like normal as others, and to prove that I'm not that worthless after all.

I can never be myself, if I can't let go of the idea of worrying of what others' might be thinking or talking about me. Maybe it's nothing going on at all, just I'm the one that messing with my thought.

= Don't watch the clock. Do what it does. Keep Going. =

by Sam Levenson