the lost part ~

" Everyone has to die, it's just sooner or later..."
Feeling so down and hurting inside.
Like something is pressing my respiratory pathway,
and I'm craving...seeking for air. Just a little.
And I keep on failing...
I don't know that is cause by study, assignments, reports, exams or
I'm just simply emo-ing.

As I grew up, I can sense, I'm getting stupid, 

and my good memory is in a sharp reducing rate. 

I hate to make error, talk wrong stuff, 

and act like idiot.

That make me not the ori me.

It's so embarrassing,

and I hate to be wronged!

I just don't like to admit, 

I did the wrong things.

I look like a fool that way.

Life change, everything change...

I miss myself, the one who doesn't care about what others say,

the one always the strongest,

the one doesn't need anyone beside her,

the one used to be alone,

the one in front and on the top,

the one  self-confidence burst,

the one never think in negative way,

the one do something and never consider the consequences,

the one place herself at the 1st place in her mind and heart,

the one everyone is scared of her,

the one who will never put her feeling toward others,

the one that will not hurt herself,

the one that loved herself the most,

the one, the part of me that I already lost... 

Last time,

crying was always the best solution for me.

After cried, I done and over with it.

New life begin.

But now, I always been haunted,

by what I've done, what I feel,  and what others think about me!

Why I care so much about that??!!

I have no idea....

I lost.....myself, as I grew up...